Dear Muse
by Spiderlily-chan96
Summary: Read from Shisui's point of view as a letter to Sakura. One sided at first. First story, something I wrote in high school. I hope you guys like it. UPDATED OCT 19, 2019


Chapter 1

To my dearest,

Hello, my name is Shisui Uchiha. I found you by accident about a year ago. I mistook you for someone else and decided to keep tabs on you. The person I had originally been looking for had your name, but the spelling was different, though I hadn't found out that information until four months later when I stumbled upon the person I was originally searching for. During the time of uncertainty, I would check on you about once a day, four to five times in a week. I knew nothing about you, because at the time I had internally labeled you as someone I disliked.

Once I found out that you were not the person I had been looking for, I tried to ignore your existence, making believe that I could simply cut loose the habit of observing you. Saying so was easier than acting upon it. A few weeks went by and I realized that you were no longer just some person I found by accident, but you were slowly working your way under my skin without even knowing it. You became so much more than a stranger to me, you became my obsession, and not a day goes by without you crossing my thoughts. I've found myself looking through your photos, satisfied with your digital smile that seems to haunt my mind so very often. I've looked up everything I can about you, just to get to know you, because I know that I will never have the guts to speak with you and get to know you in person.

I have no ill intention towards you; I simply want to know that you're safe, healthy, successful, and happy. I see myself as your guardian angel now, even though I live roughly thirty to forty-five miles away from you. Sometimes when I'm having a bad day, or I'm curious, I find myself checking on you through the familiar social network. You don't go online much because you're busy with trying to maintain your good grades and your social life, so it's hard to know how you're doing, and if you're okay. Though I often get the feeling you will never truly know I exist, that is okay, so long as I can keep watching over you.

Your skin is a beautiful ivory, you have emerald eyes that seem to hold so many emotions and feelings in them, your hair is a natural light pink and goes down to your waist, your teeth are pearly white and well taken care of, and the smile I've become so fond of makes me feel like everything will be alright. Whenever you're in a picture with your family, I can see how your eyes light up, and how you seem so at ease with them. Yet when you're with your friends, I can tell that the light within your eyes is not the same. I feel as if something has happened in your past that has caused you to have a form of trust issues with anyone who is not direct family. I wish to heal that one day if possible.

I think I would be at a loss of words if we ever got to meet sometime in the future. I wouldn't know what to say, you'd take my breath away and I'd be happily suffocating in my unspoken words. I wouldn't let anyone suspicious near you, in fear that they have ill intentions. You wouldn't understand at first why I would do it, but through time you would see my subtle hints through action that I have a good heart towards you and mean no harm.

I remember a video I saw you in, it was at your younger cousin's sixth birthday party. You were at the far end of the small table, while through my point of view your younger cousin was on my left (seated to your right). I couldn't hear if you said anything throughout the short video, but I saw a form of body language that hinted at insecurity. In the (supposedly) large family gathering you were seen playing with your rosette locks in an uncomfortable manner, making me believe that you have trouble being surrounded by so many people at one time. Maybe this is linked to your past somehow? I'll have to find out one day.

I know you are very family oriented. I see it every time I observe you. It shows in the pictures you take with your mother, brother, and sister. Your father passed away almost two years ago, and I know you miss him greatly, may he rest in peace.

I admire you, because once you graduated from high school you went straight into college. Not a lot of people can do that, and I know that you've been doing well because you boast about it whenever you get a good grade on your exams. I know you work hard too, because not everyone has the discipline to sit down and study every night so diligently. You've been in college for about three years now, and I have the highest hopes that the economy gets better so you can get a job right away and be successful in the career you aspire to be in. If there was anything I could do to ensure your future success, I would do it as soon as I could.

I had a dream a few months ago that I ran into you somewhere and we started small talking, and it eventually turned into a conversation about everything and anything. I could see your smile and it lit up the scene, clearing up the normally foggy vision I have in my dreams when I'm around people I don't know personally. It turned the whole scene into something that was so real I could almost feel myself breathing. When I said something that seemed to make you laugh, it sounded like the most beautiful bells within the heavens.

I don't have much to offer you other than my protection, ability to listen, treating you as you should be treated, making you feel like you're the most important person there is, and that you are a rare light that shines through the dark and is noticeable in any crowd.

Slowly I'm becoming closer to you, indirectly of course. I've befriended both your brother and your current boyfriend. I have not spoken much to your brother, because seeing as I am an adult and he is not, I don't want any complications. I have spoken with your boyfriend almost regularly; we get along very nicely, and actually have a lot in common with each other, not just because we're both males either. Don't worry though; I am not interested in him. I have been asking the occasional questions about you, not so much as to raise any sort of suspicion, but enough to sound desperately normal. I've learned that he is studying Criminology, and that he is a strategist, just like me. Him being a strategist does pose a bit of a challenge, which is not much of a problem seeing as I am currently running this board. So long as he doesn't find out what I feel for you, than all is well and sane.

My name for you is going to be Muse. Every time I see your face in a picture staring back at me, I get this undeniable inspiration to write about you, and have innocent fantasies about the possible times I could be with you. You are a flower in my mind, one of uniqueness, and of untarnished purity.

I've learned that you react on raw emotion, which you tend to not particularly think through your actions before they happen. This can be both good and bad. Good in a sense that you will react with your heart and you will stay true, but it can be bad because you may injure a bond you have with someone and not realize until after the damage is done.

I saw a picture you posted with you and your current boyfriend, you both looked so joyous, and in turn from seeing you that way, my heart reflected your emotions. Though I desire to be with you, I would never ruin your chance to be happy with someone whom you're very close with.

Just recently, I had another dream where we got to meet and interact with each other. We met at a giant hotel suite for businesses and I began conversing with you as you were waiting for the elevator to arrive. I'm thankful that I stopped you before you had to leave again because what happened afterwards was amazing. The actions we did mirrored child-like innocence. Fear not my dear Muse, I would never tarnish your image with such vile thoughts, I have never, and will never think of you impurely. On with the dream, I invited you to join me in my suite because it would cut costs for you and would be more convenient for you. At first you were unsure, seeing as we had just met which is completely understandable. I reassured you by saying you would not be sharing living quarters with me, but you would be across the hall with your own private room and connected bathroom. I was baffled that you even agreed to speak with me, let alone accepting my generous offer to which I was pleasantly surprised. Later on in the dream (they often time skip), you and I began speaking as if life time friends. I hesitantly asked if I could braid your hair, you agreed, and I gingerly sat behind you. It felt so peaceful to braid your smooth straight tresses.

Sadly, all dreams must end at some point and I awoke to yet another long day. Why must you plague my thoughts? I often wonder what you really are to me, why I value you so much, and what exactly you mean to me. You have this unintentionally strong gravitational force that draws me to you as if you were the center of a solar system, though instead of being in your inner circle, I am stuck far away because you and I have never met.

I am closer to becoming friends with you. Despite that I have not been able to push forward to introducing myself to you, I'm afraid I'll smother you in questions just to learn more about you. Your first impression of me would most likely be that I'm some sort of creep; this just means I need to plan more on how I'll carry myself in a conversation. Everything is slowly getting set into place. I can almost feel myself getting closer to you by the day and seeing the mystery that is you.

There are countless things that go on within my thoughts and the majority is sane, but many could be classified as somewhat insane. Throughout what I have written to you thus far, you are almost guaranteed to agree that not all the screws in my head are tightly in place, and that some are askew. You are correct to a certain degree, but do not venture too far. I want you to imagine you are in my shoes just for a few moments, close your eyes and think deeply. Now, imagine that you are surrounded by a huge room full of nameless and faceless people with nothing particularly interesting about them. These people are the people you've spent your whole life interacting with, spent numerous hours with, whether it was family, platonic relationships, or past romantic relationships. You know anything and everything current about all these people, but they're all missing something. You don't know what it is, or why everyone's missing something about them. Everything and everybody around you slowly begin to darken and your surroundings feel as if they are being sucked into a black hole. But one day, while you're still in the dark masses around you, you do something you normally wouldn't do without really realizing what's going to happen next. You decide to reach out for some form of light, and you end up beginning to search for someone on a social networking site who you feel is a threat, and just watch them and observe what they do, to see who they are. This person who you feel is a threat conveniently makes everything public, so watching them becomes an easy task. Then you later realize that life throws various plot twists at you when you least expect it. You find out that the person you got into a habit of observing is not the threat you originally thought they were, but a stranger. Your habit of vigorous observation feels like a waste, and you decide to quit doing it, but find out you can't. The previous negative feelings you held towards this person are replaced with ones of pure curiosity. Shaking your head of such thoughts you tell yourself that what you're doing is silly and quite creepy. A week goes by and you have this mental itch, and it keeps bothering you until you feel as if you'll go crazy, and eventually you find yourself back at the laptop again, watching, relieved for the time being. An unknown and mysterious quality draws you to them more and more every day. Here's an easier way to look at it, stare at a blank piece of black paper. Your eyes will wander over the page because nothing really draws you to look at something. But, if you were to put a white dot on it, the white dot would immediately grab your attention and that would be your sole focus on the paper. It made me think of the effect you have on me. I hope that made it a little clearer for you, my dear Muse. You are the light in a darkened room.

One day I would like to make a playlist of songs for you. It'll be a mix of songs that I like that correlate to how I feel, and songs you've posted over time. I've learned most of the words of the songs I know, I only need to brush up on a few here and there. I wonder what other kind of music you like that hasn't been posted. Music can say a lot about an individual; even if it's just an instrumental it can still speak with more than a thousand words, just as a picture can. Do you like to dance? And if so, would you ever consider ballet, or even ballroom dancing? I believe that you would do marvelous at either, even if you need a little practice. I myself do not know quite how to do either, but I would learn to the best of my ability. I would pay extra attention to avoid your toes while dancing because as I've seen before this is often a mistake made by beginners. Have you ever danced on a beach at sunset, dear Muse? I've heard it's a beautiful experience, and it would certainly help you take your mind off of anything stressful for a while. Even if the dance isn't with me, I would strongly hope someone could capture that moment so I could see you shine in front of the setting sun with such elegance that it would bring tears to my eyes.

I wish to learn various musical instruments such as piano, violin, guitar, harp, even a flute. Just for you. I'd make a song and record the audio of me performing each one and put them all together to make a symphony.

As heart breaking as it is, I will not be able to check on you for the next few weeks for I am visiting with a few family members out of town for an unknown length of time. Though, if I were to assume, based on how many clothes my parents are packing, I'd have to say we'll be gone for a minimum of two weeks. My mother specifically stated that none of us are to bring any sort of technology with us. This is much too long of a time to be away from you, but because I have never spoken of you, no one will understand why I am so blue.

Before leaving to get to the airport, I checked on you one last time. You hadn't posted anything for a while, and that bothered me a bit. Regardless, I sullenly powered off my computer and put it back in its respectful place on my work desk. My packing had finished hours ago and we were all set to leave within the next few minutes. I decided to bring along a sketch pad, notebook, and pencils with me to pass the time, accompanied with my iPod that I snuck in. We soon left and I was stuck with an extremely bad case of writer's block.

After the bus stopped, we went to my grandmother's house which was about ten miles away. The bus ride irritated me because there was somebody who had constantly kicked my seat for the two hours we were travelling. I ended up falling asleep in the blue van we rented and later awoke with my mother gently shaking me. I quietly mumbled your name under my breath by complete accident. Mother gave me a strange look but said nothing and smiled. I lethargically got up from my seat and went to get my personal belongings from the truck of our van and brought them into my grandmother's two-story house. The house is quite nice to look at, the outside is mostly brick with a dark brown roof with shingles. The interior of the house is older fashioned with a bit of a modern flare to it. The first floor has wood flooring, white walls with random clusters of family photos, it has a full kitchen with an island in the middle, the living room has a tan couch with red and black pillows on it and across from the couch is a fire place, there are a few large chairs here and there in the living room as well ranging from tan to brown. There is a classic staircase with dark wood stairs going up to the second floor. There are four bedrooms with white carpet in each, two of which have connected bathrooms with white tile flooring. The only aspect of the house I have never liked was the deep smell of old cigarettes and pipe tobacco, it's always irritated my lungs.

It has only been a week without seeing you and I feel as if I have lost a portion of my mind as well as a part of my being. My family has taken notice to my sullen appearance despite my desperate attempts to hide it; thankfully nothing has been said regarding my current state. I hid most my thoughts on paper, in the unsent letter I've been writing to you for a while now. It isn't well hidden because all I have is my luggage and a small mahogany dresser to put my belongings.

My family has decided to set off into town today to go antique shopping in the various markets surrounding my grandmother's house. The thought of seeing those marvelous antiques scattered among the shelves causes a smile to be plastered on my features in anticipation. Something about today seems different from the other days I've been here. A part of me feels lighter, and it's a pleasant change from my recent near drowsy mood. Though I still have the constant thought of you in the back of my mind, I try my hardest to push those thoughts aside at least for a few minutes.

Upon arriving at our first antique shop, I am immediately lost in the past presented in front of me. The worn old desks, the cracked porcelain dolls that lined the shelves, the old jewelry, the dusty books with the worn out covers, the early camera models near the front of the store along with ancient looking record players, and some vintage clothes from the early 1900's. As I was wandering the isles of antiques, I got so lost in thought that I didn't notice the person in front of me. I didn't see her until the last second when I bumped into her, nearly knocking the poor young woman over. I barely had time to catch her, and it felt like a scene out of a movie. Then I saw her face, the one that's been etched in my memory. I had found you at last, Muse.

The moment our eyes locked on each other; I felt a lump in my throat. I felt certain my heart stopped along with time. Blood rushed to my cheeks as I quickly helped you regain your balance while offering you my sincerest apologies. A large portion of my mind was screaming at me to run away from embarrassment, yet there was still that whisper in the back of my conscious that told me to stay. And so, I did. Now that we were both standing, I realized I was staring at you and quickly turned my head away. You decided to break the silence by offering your forgiveness with a small laugh, showing you weren't upset. Your laugh sounded just as it did in my dream, except in person it sounded much more beautiful. A smile appeared on my face as I introduced myself with a newfound courage that even I was yet to be aware of. You returned the introduction, though it wasn't necessary seeing as I've been watching over you for quite some time now and know many basic things about you. Not wanting to seem rude, I started to small talk, asking what made you visit the shop and if you were visiting or if you lived here. You told me that you lived not too far from here and enjoyed visiting the shop when you could because you're interested in seeing bits and pieces of the past.

We ended up talking for about another half an hour and I got to find out some a small amount of new information on you that I hadn't seen you post beforehand. I asked you if you were in school right now and you said you went to a local college and are majoring in criminal justice. You're interested mainly in working in forensics. Keeping the conversation going, you had asked me if I was in school and if so, what I wish to major in. I informed you that I will be attending a college neighboring the one you mentioned, and that I am majoring in psychology but plan to be an author as a part-time gig. I could see your eyes light up momentarily at this, and you seemed genuinely curious. When you asked me what the book was about, I held back a small blush and told you it was just some sappy love story. Giving me a reassuring smile, you told me that you'd like to read it when I finish, I agreed without any air of hesitation.

After fifteen or so minutes, I could hear mother calling me in the background telling me that it was time to go. The moment I locked eyes with my mother a Cheshire grin broke out on her face and I immediately paled when she started making her way over to us. As I was fumbling around with my thoughts, you seemed to take notice of my discomfort and you offered a small smile. Though this may have seemed to be only a small action on your part, it did wonders. I felt myself instantly relax as my mother approached. My mother's eyes beamed with interest as she spotted you and asked who you were. You see, I've never outwardly shown any interest in someone, let alone go out of my way to have small talk because with anyone else it simply didn't interest me. I did my best to formally introduce you as a new acquaintance, you both gave a handshake and it seemed to go fairly well. I glanced over at my mother momentarily and the look she wore told me she'd be asking me questions about this later. I sighed inwardly and figured that this is something that all mothers would do in this type of situation. She told me she was going to cash out a few items and that I need to meet up with her as soon as I could.

The time to leave came by all too quickly and I had to part ways with you. I'm not sure if you could see the sadness in my eyes, though it must have been obvious because it was hard to make any sort of eye contact with you. I wasn't sure how you wanted to part; I usually keep my affections towards someone on the inside as opposed to showing it. Except with you, I wanted to show some form of affection, even if it was just a handshake. As I was going to shake your hand, you caught me completely off guard by a sudden, but friendly embrace. I was too stunned to react. It felt heavenly, and for the short moment I was in your arms, I felt complete, as if I had been waiting for that feeling my whole life. Once you let go, all the happiness and the warmth was violently ripped away. You gave me your e-mail and instructed me to find you. We said our farewells and I watched your back as you walked away, once again out of my reach.

I had originally expected my mother to bombard me with questions about you, but upon seeing my current saddened state, she decided to give me a little space. I was very grateful for this and would find a way to repay her later. Once we arrived back at my grandmother's house, I went straight to the guest room I was staying in and continued my letter to you. So far it has exceeded over five pages front and back. Thankfully my handwriting is neat enough to read with ease. I don't plan to give you my letter anytime soon, because I feel like you would be beside yourself. Honestly, I'm afraid of what your reaction would be, more so I'm afraid that you would push me away. I understand that you just recently met me in person, and I know for a sure fact that finding out some male whom you didn't know at the time had been watching over you for about a year prior to a proper introduction would be both unnerving, and make you feel rather insulted. I don't plan to share this letter with you for those reasons, so I will keep this to myself for the time being.

It's been a little over two months now since I've written to you in these unsent letters, and I thought I might update them even though we've gotten to speak over the internet almost every other day. I don't title my letters, nor do I sign at the bottom once I've written a fair share of words. I have found out so much more about you and the light I feel when you speak with me is still there and as strong as ever. I've found out many new things about you, all of which are a mix of good and bad. Some of the good things I've learned about you is that you've passed your third year in college, you earned an A on most of your final exams for your classes, you've gotten better at fishing and no longer get freaked out whenever you have to unhook the fish, you've also video called me a few times, and you volunteer at the hospital between the cities we live in on weekends. Though with the good comes the bad, which I hate to admit about you, but despite your flaws you are still perfect in my eyes. Don't get me wrong, but since I've been getting closer to you, I cannot help but be jealous of the happiness you and your lover share. As promised, I will not intervene. The bad things that I have found out about you are not as bad as one may think, and sometimes I wonder why I find them to be bad in the first place. Aside from one that is, but I'll mention that at the end. You never say goodbye whenever we end a conversation, and that bothers me because I feel as if I'm not worth the time for you do give me a proper farewell. Sometimes when I send you a message of any sorts, the site shows that you've seen it, but then you don't reply for a few days. It hurts me, but I never say anything because everyone needs space. The thing that bothers me the most is that I'm sensing you have a split personality of sorts. I've only seen small hints, but when we video chat, it almost scares me to see it. One moment you'll be talking and smiling, through the grainy quality of my camera I can almost see the slightest shine in your eyes, but then the light vanishes almost immediately, and I get chills from the cold look you send my way. Once this happens, you say you must go almost right away, to which I am regretfully thankful for.

I've been getting ill lately, and I'm not entirely sure what the problem is, nor do I plan to find out. It must just be a common cold of sorts. I've only had a fever, a headache, and to top it off I've had a somewhat hoarse cough. I don't see the need to immediately rush to conclusions as to why I'm ill. My immune system has always been very well; I only ever got colds when I was a younger boy.

It has been about a year since we have met formally, and I regret to inform you of my current condition. I have terminal lung cancer and sadly won't make it to the spring, your favorite time of year. This will regretfully be my last letter, Muse. Though I have only known you for a short time, I feel as if I've known you for my life. We don't talk like we used to and it tears my heart to shreds. You've grown so much this last year. You're almost done with your degree and your relationship has only gotten better. I'm so happy for you, Muse. Please don't let my insignificant death rattle you, please be strong. I know you have never voiced your care for me, but I can see it whenever we talk. I wrote you my final message on the social network we frequent before I am admitted into the hospital today. I have loved you with every cell in my body for the last two years. Stay strong and live on, Sakura Haruno.

With love,

Shisui Uchiha

Chapter 2

Dearest Shisui,

Hello, this is Sakura Haruno. You found me a few years and I finally got the letter you've been writing for me all those years. It is sad that it had to be under such circumstances. Your passing has really moved me in a way I don't understand. It's all so confusing when I try to think about it.

Before I met you, my life was bleak, felt pointless, and was the same old routine every day. But then one day you ran into me at an old antique shop and almost knocked me over, but thankfully you caught me just in time. I didn't know what to say at first, you stunned me with your beautiful short and curly spiked black locks and equally dark eyes. They seemed to invite me in when we locked gazes.

I didn't understand why you were staring at me like you knew me, and I was a long-lost friend. Because of that look, it made me want to converse with you and get to know you better. So, I broke the ice and introduced myself, and you returned the favor. I found your name very interesting seeing as I'm studying forensic science and your name means "Dead Water" or "Stagnant Water." Though I never got the chance to tell you how cool of a name it was.

We ended up talking for some time and I found you to be very refreshing to talk to. I didn't learn much about you because you seemed too busy absorbing the information I gave you. You even had a knowing look a few times during the conversation. It all made sense to me once I read your letter. If I hadn't been in a relationship with someone at the time, I would've loved to have been together with you. Even though I only knew a little about you, we really clicked.

You told me how you have an interest in studying and majoring in psychology, and that you plan to be an author part-time. I was very curious about what you would write about, and I wanted to read anything you had to offer if your conversation skills and manners said anything about your writing, I knew it would be great. What intrigued was when you mentioned it was a love story. I'm always ready to read a good romance story, sappy or not. It only occurs to me now that your letter was the love story you were talking about. I wish I could've known sooner. The relationship I was in was one-sided and I was constantly cheated on, but I had to look happy for everyone because they all expected that out of me. I wish I could've broken down and told you everything. You were the person I could go to and I never even realized it because I was so caught up in everything happening in my own life. If only I had just been there for you when I knew you were getting ill. Maybe you could've been truly happy in those last moments.

I've been imagining what our life would've been like together. I would be in school finishing up my forensic science degree, and you would be halfway through your psychology degree. With our neighboring schools we could've visited each other for a little while between classes and maybe have had lunch together under the sunny sky. We would go to the beach on Fridays, and the movies on Saturday. And on Sundays, we would go for a picnic in a park somewhere between where we both live.

Then one day, once you graduate, we could get our own apartment together and work towards owning a house with a yard for a dog, and decorate the inside for a small kitten.

I wish I hadn't pushed you away so much towards the end, I know it worried you and I really wish I could've looked past my own insecurities and been able to open up to you. I loved seeing your handsome smiling face every time we called each other online, it always put me in a good mood. I felt like if I was a stronger person, maybe things would have been different for us.

Your funeral hurt more than I thought that it would. Not many people were there, just your mom, dad, grandparents, aunt, uncle, and your younger cousins, Itachi, and Sasuke. They look so much like you, but I can tell that they're completely different from you. You always seemed so easy going and happy around me, and you always had a nice word to say about everyone. You truly are a wonderful person, Shisui. Thank you for writing that letter to me, I will always cherish it closely.

Unfortunately, it seems that I am falling ill as well. I've completely lost my appetite after you passed, and I've been getting weaker and weaker as the days pass. Sometimes it's hard to catch my breath just walking from one side of the house to the other. I just can't bring myself to want to eat, it just makes me sick and throw up. I know I should go to the doctor, but I don't want help anymore. I just want to wither away into nothing while lying under the cherry blossom near the pond a little way from my house. Maybe I'll get to see you someday soon? I could've sworn I saw you the other day under the tree, almost like you were waiting for me. But as soon as I got there, you disappeared, fading away like a mist in the breeze. Once you disappeared before my eyes, I began crying my heart out. I just miss you so much, Shisui. Every day is just getting more and more dreary for me.

Since it's the rainy season, there isn't many sunny days. Don't get me wrong, I love the rain, but it's starting to make me sad because I want to go to the cherry blossom tree again. I can't go outside in the rain in my current condition, I get too cold too easy and then I get sick. I tried going out in the rain a few weeks ago, and I did, but I stayed out too long because I fell asleep under the tree. I'm still feeling sick because of it. I would go to the doctor, but all my money is going towards school and living expenses. I don't want to ask my parents for money because they paid for the first few years of college and I feel like it would be asking too much of them.

I finally ended up going to the doctor, it took me a few months to save up enough money, but I found out that I am in the final stages of tuberculosis. The doctor told me "If you had come about four months sooner, we could've cured you, but seeing as you were unable to, I'm afraid your condition has become terminal. I'm very sorry, Haruno-san."

I just don't know what I'm supposed to do, Shisui. I haven't told anyone about what the doctor said, not even my parents. I don't have any close friends I can tell either… Is this how you felt when you found out about your condition? Alone and lost? Confused and scared? Hopeless?

They said that I have a short time left, and they recommended that I go and stay in the hospital for the rest of the time I'm alive, but I can't do that. I want to be outside as much as I can and be able to see the world while I still can. I don't want to just give in to them and stay in a bed for the rest of my life. I want to go to the park and walk in the woods, go to a few shrines, visit the cherry blossom tree and take naps under it, and visit you in the cemetery like I have been. I've been going to your grave about four times a month, though lately I've only been able to manage once a month. I've decided that no matter what, I'm going to go there in a few weeks and write the final part of my letter to you while I am there.

Hello again, dearest Shisui. It's been about a month since I've last written, I barely had the energy to come out here today. I've been struggling a lot just to move around, but I was determined to be here today, it just felt like the right thing to do. I brought you flowers, they're spider lilies from a near by field. Kind of ironic isn't it? But I know they were your favorites, and ever since you passed, they've become my favorite as well. There's something so beautiful about the flower of death. Life it fragile, just like the red petals of the flower, and you must appreciate it while you have it. Otherwise it just withers and falls apart without proper care. I think death is what will really tie us together in the end, Shisui.

I'm starting to get tired again, that seems to be happening a lot lately, I just sleep for hours and hours, yet when I wake up, I'm exhausted.

I could've sworn I just saw you standing behind your grave, but I think my mind is playing a nasty trick on me again. I think I'm starting to find a sick comfort in it. I just wish that when you did appear, that I could see you clearly. Every time I see you, it's like you become more and more out of focus. It hurt a lot at first, but I just figured it was part of the grieving process. I don't want to forget you, I want to be able to see your heart warming grin, the way you scratch the back of your head when you get flustered, the cute pout you have when you're losing at shogi, and just everything else you could do.

I'm starting to get drowsy again, I think I might take a nap next to you today, I hope that's okay. When I dream, I hope I get to see you again. Maybe I can live the rest of my life in my own little dream world? I've pretty much been doing that since I got diagnosed with TB.

Maybe once I fall asleep, we can go to the cherry blossom tree, dip our feet in the cool pond water, and just enjoy each other's company. I bet you would really like that. I remember you saying how much you love water. I grew up around the water, so it's always a fun pass time for me. Have you ever been to a water park? They're super fun and all the rides they have are amazing. I remember the biggest slide at the park I used to frequent when I was in grade school. You had to go up three flights of stairs to reach it and when you went down it, it all went so fast, but it was very fun. If there is such a thing as an afterlife, I'm going to bring you to all sorts of fun places. Water parks, regular parks, amusement parks, the movies, the beach, anywhere. There are just so many things I feel that we missed out on. I hope to be able to make it up to you in out next life.

I'm going to go to sleep now. Something feels off about today, but I think once I sleep off the feeling it'll go away. I'll see you soon, Shisui Uchiha. I love you too.

With love,

Sakura Haruno

Chapter 3

Shisui POV:

 _I can feel the gentle hold of death embracing my body and soul. Where am I? Why is everything getting so dark? Was that a… flash of pink?... No, I must be seeing things. She doesn't know… I didn't tell her…_

 _My breath is slow and labored, every breath is a struggle and I just want to rest… There's a light in front of my eyes. Reaching out with my mind, I touch the light and my world turns blindingly bright, then completely fades into a dark abyss within what felt like a few seconds. I can't feel any more pain, but I start to feel a mass amount of energy build up where my chest should be. The energy pulses through me, each wave it seems to be getting stronger. I start seeing a gentle, but strong blue energy surround myself starting from the middle of my chest._

Jolting awake out of bed; I begin gasping for breath. What was that? Where the in the world am I?

Looking around, I see that I'm in an unfamiliar bedroom. The walls are an off white and the furniture is a dark cherrywood brown. I get out from under the covers and look around, my eyes soon land on a dresser with a large mirror. Walking over to it, I see myself as I was when I was sixteen, but I'm wearing unfamiliar clothing and I'm far more physically built than I vaguely remember I was. I'm wearing a black shirt with a high all-around collar, black pants, a brown vest of sorts, odd looking sandals, and a black headband with a symbol carved on metal in the middle of my forehead. Just what is this place? I look just above my right shoulder and see I have something strapped to my back. Reaching behind me with my right hand I begin to pull out a small weapon. No way! Why do I have a tanto?! This day has just gotten stranger and stranger. During my panic I felt a surge of energy around both of my eyes. I quickly looked in the mirror and had a quick yell of shock. My eyes were now a bright red with three black tomoes surrounding my pupils. What the world is going on?! Wait! Maybe my parents are here in this strange place as well.

Rushing out of room I was in without thinking, I tripped and fell down a flight of stairs. Rubbing the back of my head I said to myself, "Ow… Where did those stairs come from?"

Deciding to just walk and search the house, I tried finding my mother and father. To the left of the stairs was a traditional looking bathroom, a little down the hall on the was the dining room and kitchen. I took a detour into the dining room and saw there was an open area that connected the dining room and the living room on the left, and the kitchen on the right of the dining room. The kitchen was small, the cabinets were painted a dark mahogany, the outdated appliances are stainless steel, there's a small gas stove that has an island bar towards the dining room. The dining room has a tatami in the middle of the floor with four small red and black mats surrounding it on each side. I studied the living room next and saw that there's a small black futon on the wall to the right of where I was standing, and across from it was a small outdated tv. On the wall directly across from me was a medium length thin table with a three picture frames that I couldn't see well enough to make out the pictures. This house is beautiful, I noted, but so far very void of life besides myself. I wonder what the pictures are of? Curiosity got the better of me and I traveled through the conjoined rooms and made my way over to the lone table across the room to see the pictures. A sense of dread and melancholy filled my gut as I walked over.

Once I was close enough to see them clearly, I noticed that two of the pictures are portraits of my parents, the one on the left is my father, and the one of my mother is on the right. Under each portrait is an incense holder, each with a burnt-out stick and ashes on the tray. No… This can't be right. Wasn't I the one that was dying?... What world am I in? Looking towards the picture in the middle, I see that it's the three of us together, we're all wearing the same headband on our foreheads. My father is wearing black pants, a black long sleeve high collared shirt with a green flak jacket of sorts, with bandages and a pouch of sorts strapped to his right thigh. My mother is wearing dark green shorts with the same type of pouch strapped to her left leg, a black short sleeve high collared shirt, and she has a bright smile on her face. In the middle of them I see myself as I was when I was around the age of eight. Was this the last picture that was taken of us?

Looking back at their faces, I realize that… I'm alone in this world… And I can't remember anything clearly. Am I in a coma? Maybe I should find my way to a hospital in case I'm not actually sleeping.

Finding my way through the house, I find the front door. Next to the front door is a small end table with a bowl that has a few keys in it. I guess one of these must be the house key. Taking the keys in my hand, I open the door, and go through a few keys seeing which one fits the lock. Ah here it is. I then lock the door and make my way down the busy dirt road- wait, dirt road? Everything around me seems to have been taken from the past, I can't recognize anything around me, yet everyone on the road looks familiar to me, just like my family from before I "woke up."

I walked a few blocks, seeing more and more familiar faces, but still with the unusual clothing. Looking up at one of the buildings on the side of the dirt road, I see a small, but cozy looking dango shop. Right on cue, my stomach growled. I guess it wouldn't hurt to eat while I'm here, but first I need to see if I have any money. Searching in a small pouch on my right hip, I touched what felt like money. I pulled the paper out of my pocket and saw that I had a small handful of yen bills with me. Okay good, I'm not flat broke here. Putting the bills back for a minute while I walked into the dango shop, I noticed that my aunt seemed to be running the shop.

"Aunt Yuki? What are you doing here?" I asked with confusion written all over my face.

"Oh Shisui! It's so nice to see you again! You haven't been by in ages, dear. And what do you mean by 'what am I doing here?' I've worked here for most of your life, sweetie. Are you feeling okay?" She asked a little nervously.

"No… everything seems so messed up today. Nothing is as I remember it. Aunt Yuki… Are my parents really gone?..."

"…" Aunt Yuki paused with a sad look on her face before continuing. "Yes dear, they were killed in action during a mission to the Village Hidden in the Stone back when you were only eight years old. Shisui, do you need to see the Hokage? She's also the head of the hospital and I'm sure she can help you better than I can."

"No… no no… They can't really be dead. I was just with them! I was the one who was dying, I remember seeing their faces before I closed my eyes. Then I just woke up into this strange place and nothing is right anymore!" I yelled in frustration, my eyes surging with energy again. "And just what in the world is a Hokage, Aunty?" I asked somewhat impatiently.

"Oh dear… The Hokage is the one who leads this village, her name is Tsunade-sama, I'll take you to her right away, so she can try to figure this all out."

How would she do that? This place seems a little old and I'm not sure if they would be able to fix me. Oh well, I'll just figure that out when I see this Tsunade person, she'll know more anyway if she works at the hospital.

Aunt Yuki lead me out of the dango shop after locking it up. We headed down the road and made a few twists and turns in our path and finally arrived at the large looking hospital.

Once we went inside, she led me to the front desk of the ER, where there was a woman with medium length orange hair.

"Hello, ma'am, I'm here regarding my nephew, Shisui Uchiha. I would like to speak to Tsunade-sama seeing as this is very urgent. He does not seem to remember anything about being here in Konoha, or anything regarding his parents who passed eight years ago. He still believes them to be alive."

"Very well, Uchiha-san. I will let her know." The nurse at the front desk said before using a pager to contact Tsunade. "Tsunade-sama, there is a pressing medical incident regarding Shisui Uchiha-san that needs to be looked at right away. Yes, we're at the front desk. Alright, right away. Yes, ma'am. Thank you." Putting the pager down and facing my aunt and I again, she said, "My name is Seiko Tachibana, please follow me as I lead you to Tsunade-sama's exam room," then got up and began walking towards the elevators down the hall.

Once in the exam room:

"Alright, Uchiha-san, I'm going to need you to sit on the bed over there while I do a quick check-up of your reflexes, and what your eyes, ears, and mouth look like as well."

She started with my reflexes by taping pressure points on my knees and elbows. Next, she shined a light in my ears, mouth, and eyes. Her next question caught me off guard.

"Everything is looking as it should, Uchiha-san. Now may you please activate your sharingan so I can make sure it isn't straining your eyes too much?"

"Tachibana-san… what's a sharingan and why do I have one?"

The nurse paused for a moment before writing down something down on her clipboard. "This is worse than what I thought it would be."

Just then, there was a knock on the door before some young-looking blonde woman with a purple diamond on her forehead walked in.

"Good morning, Shisui, Mrs. Uchiha. Let's head to one of the exam rooms so I can see what needs to be done."

After moving to an exam room down the hall, the mystery woman turns to my aunt and myself and asks, "What seems to be the problem, Shisui? It's unusual for you to come here with family."

She talks to me familiarly. I wonder who she is.

"Good morning, Hokage-sama. Shisui seems to have lost most of his memories." My aunt then explained what happened at her dango shop, and I added what I recalled from earlier this morning when I had woken up.

Sitting down in the rolli-chair at the desk, the Hokage forms a serious expression on her face. "I see, please take a seat on the exam bed so I can further inspect your head for any trauma with my chakra."

With her chakra? I thought that was only spiritual energy that you could feel every now and then.

"With all do respect, what do you mean, Hokage-sama? I've never heard of chakra that you could physically use on someone else."

Widening her eyes a fraction, the blonde Hokage said, "Shisui, I'm familiar enough with you that you can just call me Tsunade-sama. Chakra is the result of a mix of both spiritual, or mental energy, and physical energy. To build spiritual, or mental, energy you meditate. As for physical energy, you train your body, to put it in simple terms you do both every day to keep growing your chakra reserves. With you being an Uchiha, you have naturally high reserves of chakra. What I specialize in, is medical ninjutsu. I use my chakra to heal those in need, whether it's a physical or mental injury. Would you be more comfortable if I explained what I was doing as I try to find the source of trauma?"

"I understand, Tsunade-sama. And yes please, I'd like to know what you're doing so I could get a better grasp at what chakra is."

"Very well. Please lay down on the bed and get comfortable."

Following her instructions, I lay down on the paper covered bed, getting comfortable. As I laid down, Tsunade-sama walked over to my left side.

"Mrs. Uchiha, you may sit down in one of the chairs at the front of the room, I apologize for making you stand so long." Tsunade-sama said.

"Yes, Hokage-sama" my aunt said with a polite smile and nod.

Looking down towards me, Tsunade-sama places her right hand on my forehead and said, "Alright, I'm going to pass my chakra through your skull and see if there is any trauma, it's going to feel a little weird at first, but it won't be uncomfortable." As she said that, I saw a light green energy coming out of her hand.

After a few minutes, she took her hand away and had a barely hidden mask of confusion.

"I'm not seeing any type of trauma in your medial temporal lobe, which is the part of the brain that deals with memory. Unfortunately, I did feel a multitude of blockages in the signals transferring data throughout your medial temporal lobe, meaning that you have severe amnesia. I'll have to ask a member of the Yamanaka clan to unblock these, since they specialize in the mind. Unless, that is, you feel more comfortable with a member of your own clan using their sharingan to enter your mind and unblock the mental blockages? I understand that the head clans need to keep their blood-line secrets and aren't as trusting of other clans to work on their mind. If you'd like, I could call for Itachi and have him help you, seeing as he's at the same level as you are with your sharingan, and that you two are close."

Taking a moment to absorb the information, I realize that she said Itachi, which seemed to jog my memory.

"Wait, you mean my cousin Itachi? Isn't he first in line to take over of the Uchiha Corps? I remember that my uncle Fugaku and Itachi mention that he was studying business at college in Tokyo for the last few years. Why would he have this… sharingan?"

Taking a second to absorb this information, Tsunade-sama said, "The sharingan is a main blood-line trait, or kekki genkai, of the Uchiha clan. It is known as one of the strongest doujutsu, or special ability that the eyes can do depending if you're from a clan that has them or not. And Shisui, what do you mean by Tokyo? That place doesn't exist in our lands, nor does the Uchiha Corps, the closest thing we have to that is the Konoha police force, which is run by mainly Uchiha clan."

 _This can't be right. I was in Japan before when I was sure I died. This place is called Konoha? I've never heard of that, but they seem to be so familiar with me that there's no way I could be from anywhere else. But why can't I remember anything?_

As I look up, I notice Tsunade-sama is closing a window as a hawk flies off and away from her. Turning towards me she says, "Alright, I have just sent a messenger hawk to call for Itachi. I gave a brief explanation of what's going on and he should be here soon."

Not even two minutes after she said that, there was a polite knock at the door, followed by Tsunade-sama saying, "Come in."

As the door opened, I saw who looked like Itachi, but it was odd seeing him with longer hair and a similar outfit to my father's outfit in the picture at the house. He's wearing a high collared black short sleeve shirt, with black pants, the same headband as everyone I've seen so far, and bandages wrapped around his right leg with the same kind of holster I had on my leg.

"You requested my presence, Lady Tsunade?"

"Yes, it seems Shisui here has severe amnesia and I need you to use your sharingan to see the types of chakra blockages he has."

"Very well, Lady Tsunade. Are you ready Shisui?" Facing me, he began to make his way over to me. Once he was in front of me, his eyes turned red and images of my old life began flashing through my mind. It felt strange and intrusive, but I wanted to trust the Itachi of this world. After a few minutes his eyes turned back to normal.

"Lady Tsunade, it seems as though this Shisui is not of this world. I searched through his memories and found many unfamiliar places and some people I recognized. In his past life he succumbed to an illness called cancer. He was also studying psychology at some type of advanced school. He also seemed to be in love with your apprentice, Sakura Haruno, of the other world of course."

Lady Tsunade stayed silent for a few moments as she processed this new information. Finally speaking, she said "Alright Shisui, it seems as though you're not of this world. I'm not sure what happened to bring you here, nor am I sure of what happened to our Shisui. But as of today, you will be staying in this village and we will integrate you into your new life. Itachi will be the one to help you settle in. As for Sakura, I will arrange for you to meet her once you are settled in. Maybe she can help you medically seeing as she is my student."

With a newfound certainty, I looked the Hokage in the eyes and said, "I will do my best to fit into this world, Tsunade-sama."

Chapter 4

Dearest Sakura,

It is the end of my first day in this new world. There is a lot I still don't understand about this odd place. Apparently, here you can use chakra to do various ninja techniques. The techniques generally use various elements. The clan I'm from is known for using fire techniques. The most famous is the Fireball technique, where you gather up chakra in your lungs and breathe out a huge ball of fire at your opponent. There is also a phoenix flower technique where you breathe out smaller fire balls from your mouth. I'm not sure I should be telling you this, but I felt that you would find it interesting. I met with the Itachi here, he seems a lot more serious in this life than he did back in Japan. I don't think I ever introduced you to my cousin in our old life, but he was a very charismatic and humorous person to be around. Itachi would often find time to come over to see me when I started getting sick. Though I was feeling dreary and sick, he never failed to put a smile on my face in my final weeks.

I don't remember much of my final moments. I'm sure I was sleeping for the remaining days in the hospital bed. I had very vivid dreams, some were of you and some were very abstract and odd.

Here is the first dream I remember:

In the dream, I woke up to a flurry of cherry blossom petals raining down from the tree and falling into a river. As the petals began to blanket the water, I felt a wave of serenity pass over me. The air was crisp, a small breeze passed through the air. It must be springtime. My vision was clearer then than it had been since I became sick. Looking towards the cherry blossom tree, I see you quietly leaning against it, basking in the beautiful weather while reading an old book. There are no sounds of cars, or of people. Just the sounds of nature. The occasional bird chirps in the tree behind you, singing a small tune. I walk over and sit next to you. I can't get a good look at what you're reading, the book is fuzzy and out of focus. It looks like one of the old worn books I saw at the antique shop we met at. Maybe an old tale of lost love? Before long, I start to fade back into reality.

Springtime in Japan is the best place to experience the season. There are festivals, fireworks, and it's a good time to get together with your family. Well, any time is a good time is a good time to be with family of course. Being together during the start of a new season feels like you're making a fresh start with your loved ones. I had always wanted to watch the fireworks with you under the moonlight and eat festival food at one of the many stalls. I remember you saying that dango is one of your favorite snacks. I'm sure they had a stall for it there.

Here is one of my more abstract dreams. These tend to be longer than the ones that have you. Though it is a little unfortunate that I cannot see you as much in the dream world, the abstract dreams really get me thinking.

I am laying in my room and as I look over the side of my bed, I see a vast space of water. In the water I see orcas swimming deep in the water. None of them surface thankfully, I'm not sure what I would do if they did. Seeing them is truly breathtaking. There is at least ten of them, all at different depths. The rug I have near my bed is floating at the surface of the water, unmoving. Maybe I should step on it? What if I sink and am never able to surface again? The risks seemed to outweigh the urge, so I decided to stay put and watch the orcas from the safety of my bed. Before I knew it, I was transported to a remote sandbar in the ocean. Something felt off about this. As I looked in the distance, I saw the same orcas from before flying out of the water and landing with big splashes close to where I was. Fear started to settle in the pit of my stomach as they closed in on me. Next thing I know, one jumped out of the water right in front of me. As it got closer and closer to landing on me, it opened its' huge mouth and went to bite me. Once it was just a few feet away from my face, I woke up.

I'm not sure where that dream came from, Muse. It must have come from the deepest parts of my imagination. I must have been given a new medicine for my illness.

I regret not telling you that I was sick and that I just disappeared from your life towards the end. I didn't want to worry you. I figured I could cut our bond before you found out. I never had it in me to say anything to you regarding it. I'm sorry, Sakura.

I'm not sure what happened the moment I passed away, but I had a faint feeling of my soul leaving my physical form and being transferred. I see now that my soul was transferred to this world. I remember Tsunade-sama telling me that she had an apprentice by your name. According to Itachi, she looks just like you from what he saw inside my mind. When he entered my thoughts, I saw flashes of our old life. I have felt very melancholy since, I'm not sure what to do with myself now that I'm here. The hokage suggested that I be taken off the mission roster until further notice. I think it's for the best, I haven't the faintest clue how to function as a ninja of this village. I'm thankful that the people of this world speak Japanese. I'm not sure what I would do if it were a completely different language.

It's been about a week since I've "woken up." I met the you from this world today. The Sakura here really resembles you, sometimes I wonder if maybe your soul was transferred here too. There is a small possibility that I might see you again. Looking at the chance of it now, it really isn't that high of a possibility. Hopefully you're in our old world living a nice healthy life. Though I am no longer part of it, I know in my heart that you're somewhere happy. Maybe even going on adventures with your friends and family.

This morning Itachi began teaching me the basics of controlling my chakra. He had me start out with meditating to create a larger reserve of it in my chest. I was successful in keeping my mind blank yet focused. He remarked that I have a knack for it and that maybe I have more of this world's Shisui in me than I previously thought. I suggested that maybe we merged when I came here and that he was suppressed into my subconscious. Itachi then entered my mind with his visual technique, the sharingan, to search for clues. It didn't make much sense to me, but he stated that there seemed to be a building with two doors. One was locked and labeled "Konoha" and the other was open and labeled "Japan." We're guessing that the Konoha one was this world's Shisui. I'm thinking that if I can integrate myself into this life enough that maybe I'll be able to unlock that door and be able to understand this life better. Unfortunately, I'm not sure how to go about it yet. I'll keep writing to you to sort out my thoughts. I know I won't get a letter in return, and that's okay. It makes me believe that I'm back to watching you from a distance.


End file.
